Episode 930: Inside GameStop’s Counterintelligence – Radio Free Nintendo

Whoa! So here’s a thing… uh, our beloved Big Ape—yep, I’m talking Donkey Kong here—kinda bugged, huh? We at Radio Free Nintendo are suckers for this big fella. It’s like, engraved in our DNA or something. Remember those Now Playing bits? Yeah, those days are long gone but, honestly, they still haunt my dreams.

Anyway—wait, no—so, “The Big Ape,” is it really a fitting nickname for dear old DK? I went way off-track and ended up with The Center for Great Apes’ checklist. Why? Search me.

Right, so here’s the deal:

– Hair versus fur. Hair grows forever, more or less, right? And DK’s rocking that quaff like he’s going to a 90s prom. So, hair it is.
– Fingernails, not claws. DK’s fists are always clenched—maybe nervous about his taxes?—but yeah, he got nails.
– Thumbs, you say? See: fists, mentioned above.
– Brainy? Well, he ties ties and drives, so… smarter than a marmot, I guess?
– Prehensile abilities? See again: fists.
– Fingerprints… who even knows?
– Binocular vision. You’d need that if your life’s a never-ending boxing match.
– Smelling stuff? No clues here, buddy.

All these little checks mean DK’s definitely ape material. Yet, then there’s this line from the Center that tickled my brain cells:

> People often mix up apes and monkeys. Mostly, it’s about the tails, ya know? Apes go without.

Poor Diddy Kong. No tail, no glory. Dude’s bound to check out way before DK. Oh, Diddy, buddy—consider yourself roasted.

Anyway, they had this Donkey Kong Bonanza thing on Wednesday. Some gameplay, a pinch of story, and hey, Pauline—she’s DK’s sidekick now. What’s up with that? The lore nerds have been meme-ing this into oblivion. Not touching that with a ten-foot pole. Just focus on this:

– Pauline’s technically an ape. Welcome to the club!
– Diddy’s out of luck.
– Diddy’s days are numbered.

DK’s just on a quest for Diddy’s replacement. Harsh truth there.

Switching gears—James, yeah, you know James, he’s knee-deep in Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. He’s in the weeds with these systems and “lives” that make my head spin. Like, mine ore to build saws to cut trees to… why is this so complicated? Send help. Seriously.

After that nightmare, we took a breather. Back at it, Jon’s hoarding consoles and trading them like some wheeler-dealer. GameStop has these sweet trade-in deals—or so Jon thought ‘til he met Special Agent Steve. Yeah, that’s a real thing. GIS chaos, folks.

Greg’s bringing the heat with updates on Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. It’s crazy, both are hyped for the Switch 2 and they’ve got these rad solo modes. Mario Kart World is massive. Guillaume and James did a test drive of the new GameChat on Switch 2—tried F-Zero, Mario Kart World, and even Fantasy Life i. Oh, and Switch 2 Pro Controller? Hands-on this baby, finally.

Oh, and Lister Mail’s taking a crack at marketing campaigns for the Mario Kart World brands. Got any ideas? Send ‘em our way.

*Side note, this “nom de guerre” stuff—I may call it that, but what is it really? Not an epithet either ‘cause it’s not like saying “Donkey Kong The Big Ape.” Name game? I might never sort this out, and I’m cool with that. Life’s a mess—embrace it.